Two words: Amani Toomer.

A touchdown would have done it. 120 yards would have done it. At the very least, he could have caught SOMETHING. But no. He didn’t even catch one pass.

I can’t blame it totally on him. If I had used Antwaan Randle-El instead of Toomer, I would have won. So frustrating. So much for having any faith whatsoever in Yahoo’s projected point totals. Arrrrgh.

I know all of this happened on Monday, but I just didn’t feel like talking about it before now. 🙂

Cobra Vipers: 2-4

Cincinnati Bengals: 0-6

Tennessee Titans: 5-0

Go Titans!  Go Vipers?  Go Beng … oh, forget it.

Well, almost.  Yes, my fantasy  football team is on the verge of winning for the second week in a row!  I am ahead by 47 points right now, and my opponent only has one player left to play tonight—Bernard Berrian.  He is only projected to get 5.93 points by Yahoo’s fantasy football statistical gurus, so I’m not too worried.  Of course, something crazy could happen, and he could wind up having a game like Brandon Marshall’s game a few weeks ago, but I’m not going to dwell on potential negatives.  Oh, and I just want to say again how amazing Steve Slaton is.  The guy is unstoppable!

The Bengals almost pulled it off this week, but they still just look really bad.  I’ve been a big fan of Marvin Lewis over the years, but I think it might be about time to get some fresh blood in there.  Though, before Lewis is sent packing, I think Mike Brown ought to take a hike.  Maybe Lewis could actually do something with this team if Brown wasn’t perpetually screwing things up on the scouting and talent side of the organization.

The Titans are still sitting pretty as one of only two undefeated teams in the league now, but they pulled off a close one this week.  The Ravens almost took them out.  Correction, the Titans almost took themselves out.  The usually unstoppable Titans defense looked ready to self-destruct this week.  When they weren’t fighting amongst themselves or getting penalty after penalty, they looked good.  The problem is that the penalties kept coming one after another, and they actually were fighting with one another.  Even team captain and usually cool-headed Keith Bullock got into it with Cortland Finnegan after Finnegan received a couple of personal foul penalties in the game.  They were in each others’ faces, and then Bullock shoved Finnegan when his spoken message didn’t seem to be getting through.  Teammates quickly separated the two.

It was a painful game to watch, but they pulled it off.

Cobra Vipers: 2-3 (or soon to be)

Tennessee Titans: 5-0

Cincinnati Bengals: 0-5

FINALLY!  A WIN!

For the past few weeks, I’ve been afraid that my fantasy football team was going to match my quickly sinking Cincinnati Bengals game-for-game all season (i.e. not winning ANY games).  And in week 4, the Bengals continued on their path toward self-destruction, losing to the also previously winless Cleveland Browns, but fortunately for me, the Cobra Vipers pulled off an upset this weekend.

The statisticians behind Yahoo’s Fantasy Football system projected that my team was going to lose by about 11 points, but my team would have none of that.  Tony Romo, the always dependable overachieving power behind my team, came through in a big way, scoring 51 fantasy points when he was only originally projected to score around 31.  But my gamble on signing little-known running back Steve Slaton of the Houston Texans prior to this weekend’s game proved to be the best move I’ve made all season.  The man is amazing!  I didn’t know if he’d be able to repeat his performance this week or not, but when he played against the Titans last week, I noticed they just couldn’t take the man down.  So I signed him.  And he did repeat … in a big way.  He was only projected to pull in 7.68 fantasy points, but he wound up netting me 21.  Woo freakin’ hoo!

Other superstars that came through for me this weekend were Chad John … err … Ocho Cinco (FINALLY), Antwaan Randle El, and Rob Bironas.  And, of course, the defense of the Tennessee Titans continues to be an unstoppable force!

Now, I realize I may be get a little too excited, considering that my team is 1-3, but I really have a good feeling at this point.  I think I may have finally found a good mix of talent.  Time to turn this season around!

Oh … and I am still a Titans fan.  This was certainly an unexpected event, but I am really having fun watching them this season.

Go Titans!  Go Vipers!

the Cobra Vipers
the Cobra Vipers

As promised in my original post for this blog, I bring you two more F-words today.  Fantasy football.

I love fantasy football.  But today was another rough day for my team, the Cobra Vipers.  I sure wish my players could, at the very least, match the stats that are projected for them, but for the second week in a row, they have severely underperformed.  Especially Ryan Grant!  What is wrong with that guy??  He was supposed to be one of the elite running backs this season, but he hasn’t decided to show up to play yet!  This week he was supposed to net me 17.89 points.  How many did he get?  2.  TWO!  If I lose my game this week I am placing full responsibility on his shoulders.

As it stands, I am down by five points, and Monday night’s game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Philadelphia Eagles will be the deciding factor.  I feel like I still have a decent chance.  My opponent has two players left this week—Donovan McNabb (the quarterback for the Eagles) and Nick Folk (the kicker for the Cowboys).  I only have one player left, but, fortunately for me, that player is Tony Romo.  The man has worked miracles for me before, and I need him to pull one off tomorrow night (or, actually, I guess it is technically tonight).

Fantasy football is a lot of fun, but it quickly becomes less fun when you are constantly losing.  If I lose this week, my record will be 0-2.  Not good.  I’ll still be on par with my beloved Bungles (err … Bengals), but that isn’t saying much.  I don’t know what is up with them this year.  I’m used to their defense being a disaster, but usually their offense is top notch.  This year, for some reason, the whole team just sucks.  And Chad Ocho Stinko is having a direct impact on my fantasy football results.  Despite all of the offseason drama he caused, I expected more of him on the field.  So far he has done nothing but disappoint me.

In other news, in what is now the Tennessee Titans’ 10th year in Nashville, I am finally becoming a fan.  I’ve been to a number of  Titans games in the past, but in at least two of those games, I was cheering on the Bengals (much to the dismay of the blue-clad fanatics who were sitting all around me).  Last Sunday, I went to the Titans-Jaguars game with my family, and for the first time ever, I was cheering on the Titans.  And I really enjoyed it!  It was fun being able to cheer for the home team for a change!  And I also discovered that the crowd is much friendlier to you when you aren’t clapping and laughing every time their team does something stupid.  As for why I finally became a Titans fan, I also have fantasy football to thank for this.  I have Lendale White (one of their running backs) and their team defense (which is REALLY good this year).  I should have used Lendale White instead of Ryan Grant this week.  Had I done so, my odds of winning this week would be much higher.

Wish me luck tonight.

Today, while at the Tennessee State Fair, I was reminded of two things which bother me, though in totally different ways, mind you.

At the Krystal burger eating competition (officially called “The Krystal Square-Off”), there was a group of men—some large, some not so large—and a very petite woman, weighing only 105 pounds, named Juliette.  There was one other woman as well, but I believe she was a last minute addition.  Also, she wasn’t very competitive and doesn’t really factor into this story at all.

So, after a very long buildup to the actual competition itself, with long introductions of all of the competitors, the competition got under way.  I was ready to cheer on Juliette, as she definitely seemed like an underdog.  Once she started into her Krystals, however, she ravenously consumed them, much like I imagine Mama Cass went after that very last ham sandwich.  Only, what?  Wait a second.  I think Mama Cass probably got the whole ham sandwich in her mouth, but what in the wide world of competitive eating is Juliette doing!?!?  This may sound like an overstatement, but I am not kidding when I say that I have never witnessed a nastier display of gluttony in all my life.  Most of the competitors on the stage were actually eating their Kystals.  Juliette, on the other hand, seemed to be smashing and smearing what looked like Krystal slop all over her face.  Once her mouth was full, she just kept smacking herself in the face with it … only, with no other place to go, it just covered her face, her shirt, and the table in front of her.  She would then scoop up big handfuls of slop and try to cram it into her mouth, to no avail.  But somehow, when the 8-minute competition had ended (AND she was witnessed by everyone in the audience still trying to pack more into her mouth for a solid 30 to 40 seconds after the buzzer sounded), it was ruled that she was in a three-way tie with two of the other eaters and that they would have to have an eat-off (or, officially, a “Krystal Square-Off-Off”).

The people in the audience (myself included) were very dismayed by this news.  The two others included in this three-way tie obviously deserved a chance to compete against one another in this sudden death phase of the contest (I don’t think it would be a surprise to many people if eating more than 50 Krystals in 8 minutes led to sudden death), but Juliette did not deserve to be there.  And to make matters worse, even though the judges announced that the competitors would have to “cleanly” eat the 10 Krystals placed before them in the square-off-off (with the winner being the competitor who could scarf them down the quickest), Juliette stuck to the method she used in the regulation phase of the competition.  She slopped the stuff EVERYWHERE!  The audience was getting rowdy and booing her, but somehow, when it was all over, the judges actually announced her as the winner.  I was mad.  The audience was mad.  The other two competitors were mad.  Cheating really bothers me.  In my opinion, Eric “Badlands” Booker should have won the competition.  For more on this subject, feel free to view this link.

While I’m on the subject of cheaters, while waiting in line for the Tilt-A-Whirl ride, when I had almost reached the front of the line, these two little children jumped in front of me and the person standing with me in line.  Their mother walked up near to them and pushed a third child into the line with them.  I said to her, “There is a line, you know.”  And there was a considerable line at this point.  She just smiled and in very broken English replied, “Yes, yes, I know.  It’s ok.”  What!?  The person with me in line said, “No, it’s not ok.”  But the lady just kept smiling and walked away, leaving her children in line.  I was incensed!  Maybe I shouldn’t have let it get to me like it did, but I REALLY dislike cheating … especially when the cheater doesn’t even care when he/she is caught in the act.  This was not just a cultural misunderstanding.  I don’t have anything against people from other countries in general, but I do have a thing against cheaters.  She knew exactly what she was doing when she pushed her three children into that line in front of us.  Maybe instead of just fuming, I could have told the guy running the ride that they didn’t deserve to get on the ride due to the fact that they had skipped almost every person in it, but I didn’t.  I didn’t want to be the jerk that tattled on three children (probably all younger than 7 years old), but I wish the mother could have experienced some kind of a consequence for her total disregard for fairness and queue etiquette.

So, yeah, going back to the original topic of this blog, cheaters really bother me.

The second, truly bothersome thing (and really this might more of a fear than a bother) of which I was reminded today?

Carnies.

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